Gundam Wing Episode One
by LaBeck
Summary: This is like a summary of the first Gundam Wing episode, except I kinda turned it into a humor. People who hate character bashing shouldn't read it, I have nothing against any of the characters, its all just a joke. ENJOY


GUNDAM WING EPISODE ONE: "The Shooting Star She Saw, Even Though It Wasn't a Shooting Star, It Was Heero's Gundam, So What's The Point With Shooting Star?"  
  
NARRATOR: "With high expectations, and an over populated Earth because people are continiuosly breeding even though it's overpopulated, human beings begin a new life in space colonies. The Alliance designed mobile suits, taking over one colony after another, in the name of justice and peace. Did I mention I have lisp? The year is After Colony 195, Operation Meteor. Five rebel citizens are launched from five separate colonies, disguising them as shooting stars. Oh, that's how this episode got its title. Okay, anyway the Alliance caught onto the operation and all that crap."  
  
(A space shuttle is floating in outer space, the pilot picks up five different objects on radar.)  
  
PILOT: "Um, sir, we picked up fiove different objects on radar, what do you think they are?"  
  
GUY WHO'S IN CHARGE: "Um, probably just some meteorites. No biggy."  
  
PILOT: "Shouldn't we just tell Lt. Zechs, just in case?"  
  
GUY WHO'S IN CHARGE: "Do whatever you want, I don't give a rat's ass."  
  
(Meanwhile on Zech's shuttle...)  
  
PILOT: "Sir, we just got a report that five meteorites are orbiting the Earth!"  
  
ZECHS: "Figures, those idiots are blind! Five meteorites orbiting the Earth? It has to be Operation M!"  
  
PILOT: "Think they've been on the crack again?"  
  
ZECHS: "No doubt about it. How many can we catch up to?"  
  
(Pilot checks the objects)  
  
PILOT: "One, sir, it's headed for Asia."  
  
ZECHS: "One would be just fine."  
  
PILOT: "Okay."  
  
(Suddenly, a shuttle is headed to Earth, it's not an Alliance nor an OZ shuttle. A guy is seated, talking to himself.)  
  
GUY: "I don't know why I'm talking to myself. It's just a habit, anyway, I should be entering the atmosphere in seven hundred seconds. Um, how many minutes is that?"  
  
(Guy pulls out a calculator and does some dividing)  
  
GUY: "Seven minutes!"  
  
(He turns, noticing a civilian shuttle, revealing his face. It's HEERO!)  
  
HEERO: "A civilian shuttle...hmmmm..."  
  
(Meanwhile, in the civilian shuttle, a young girl is sitting next to her father)  
  
PILOT: "Please buckle your seat belts! We don't want the Vice Foreign Minister and his daughter to end up snapping their necks! Whoops...microphone's still on.."  
  
(The guy wakes up)  
  
MR. DARLIAN: "What's the matter, Relena? Aren't you glad we're returning to the Earth?"  
  
RELENA: "Hell no! I finally get with this really hot guy and we have to go home! I mean, COME ON! I was going to sleep with him, too!"  
  
MR. DARLIAN: "Now, now, dear, don't be a slut, now."  
  
(Relena looks out the window, noticing a shuttle)  
  
RELENA: "Wow, a shuttle!"  
  
MR. DARLIAN: "Operation Meteor..."  
  
(Relena looks at him, confused)  
  
(Meanwhile on Heero's shuttle)  
  
HEERO: "Should I shoot that down? It's in my way, but the Alliance people are right behind me....hmmmm...decisions....decisions..."  
  
(Back to Zechs' shuttle)  
  
PILOT: "He's speeding up!"  
  
(Heero pushes a few buttons and the capsules breaks apart, revealing his gundam in bird-mode)  
  
PILOT: "Wow, it moves like a BIRD!"  
  
ANOTHER PILOT: "Let's wake him up with our machine guns!"  
  
ZECHS: "Na, just shoot the bastard down."  
  
PILOT: "Okay."  
  
(Meanwhike on Heero's shuttle)  
  
HEERO: "Great, now they're on to me! Blast it! I mean, DAMN it...should I shoot them down? Decisions...decisions..."  
  
(Ten minutes later...)  
  
HEERO: "Yeah, why not? It'll be fun to blow someone up! Roger the mission going to Earth, I'm shooting down the OZ Carrier first! HEY! I finally made a decision!!"  
  
(Viewers applaud)  
  
PILOT: "Lt., he's headed straight for us!"  
  
(Zechs opens a door to a small hanger, revealing some mobile suits)  
  
PILOT: "You're going after him?"  
  
ZECHS: "Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!"  
  
(Zechs give him a hundred dollar bill and goes off in his Leo, leaving the Pilot crying with joy)  
  
HEERO: "Looks like I have someone in a mobile suit. Judging by the speed of the carrier, there's probably...em.."  
  
(Heero takes out a calculator again)  
  
HEERO: "Three mobile suits!"  
  
(Zechs begins shooting at Heero, hitting his left engine)  
  
HEERO: "Hey, I WASN'T READY YET!"  
  
(Heero pushes a button and the plane transforms into a....GUNDAM!!!)  
  
ZECHS: "What's that? It transformed!!"  
  
HEERO: "You damn right."  
  
(Two Aries come out of the shuttle, assisting Zechs)  
  
PILOT: "Stay here, we'll take care of him!"  
  
ZECHS: "Do it!"  
  
(The Aries begin firing at the Gundam, hitting it. The Gundam doesn't move)  
  
HEERO: "Hmmm...should I shoot them down?"  
  
(About three minutes later, Heero makes the decision of his life)  
  
HEERO: "I'm gonna shoot them down!"  
  
(The Gundam's head turns, looking at them)  
  
PILOT: "Hey, it moved! Oh my GAWD it actually moved!!"  
  
PILOT: "Just keep shooting, gaywod!"  
  
(The Gundam turns, pointing its Buster Rifle at them)  
  
PILOT: "Um..."  
  
(The Gundam fires, blowing up both Aries, leaving Zechs stunned. Heero, happy about his decision, begins to laugh)  
  
HEERO: "This is so much fun! HAHAHAHAHAAA!! One more to go!"  
  
ZECHS: "He took out two Aries with one shot! Um, not too bad. Well, I'll get you! They were amatuers anyway!"  
  
(The Leo starts flying towards him and takes its beam saber out, Heero blocks the shot. {yes, he made a DECISION!} But it caught under the Leo, falling towards the ocean below. Zechs jumps out of the cockpit, his parachute pops out)  
  
HEERO: "Oh damn I can't get out!!"  
  
(Heero begins to panic then relaxes)  
  
HEERO: "Wing will keep me safe. Right, Wing?"  
  
(Silence)  
  
HEERO: "Right, Wing?"  
  
(More silence)  
  
HEERO: "RIGHT?!"  
  
(Even more silence)  
  
HEERO: "Answer me, damn it!"  
  
(Heero gives up and the Gundam plows into the ocean, sinking with the Leo.)  
  
ZECHS: "He must be dead. He has to be!"  
  
(Meanwhile, Relena's plane lands, on their way out of the airport, the press catches up with them)  
  
REPORTER: "Mr. Darlian, how did the conference go?"  
  
ANOTHER REPORTER: "Mr. Darlian, many people are afraid the colonies will attack!"  
  
ANOTHER REPORTER: "Mr. Darlian, any statement at all, any statement for the press!"  
  
MR. DARLIAN: "Damn it, just SHUT UP!"  
  
REPORTERS: ".....**sweatdrop**..."  
  
ESCORTER: "Mr. Darlian, your car is ready, please proceed."  
  
MR. DARLIAN: "Right now? Hmph, you guys treat me like a frickin pawn! I have things to do for my daughters birthday!"  
  
ESCORTER: "Er...right. But we have a serparate car for your daughter."  
  
RELENA: "Oh don't trouble yourselves over me, I can get home myself, and maybe come across some really hot guys!"  
  
MR. DARLIAN: "Now honey, don't act like a slut again."  
  
RELENA: "I am NOT a slut!"  
  
(Mr. Darlian goes in his car and is driven off. Relena begins to walk home by the beach, suddenly-)  
  
RELENA: "FATHER! Don't you realize my birthday is coming up soon?!"  
  
(She sighs and keeps walking, gasping when she sees a body on the beach)  
  
RELENA: "EWWWWA! A body!"  
  
(Relena runs on the beach, checking him out)  
  
RELENA: "He's a soldier...I wonder how good he is in bed..."  
  
HEERO: "Ugh..."  
  
RELENA: "He's still alive! I better get help!"  
  
(Meanwhile, a guy named Treize is watching an Opra, talking to Zechs)  
  
TREIZE: "So three of your mobile suits were shot down?"  
  
ZECHS: "Yes."  
  
TREIZE: "It's so unlike you to be so careless!"  
  
ZECHS: "I apologize sir. We were up against a suit made of Gundanium."  
  
TREIZE: "NO way!"  
  
ZECHS: "Yes way! Gundams are on Earth!"  
  
TREIZE: "Like, no crap."  
  
ZECHS: "One sank already. I have some men searching for it."  
  
TREIZE: "Nah, leave that to my men, okay?"  
  
ZECHS: "Okay."  
  
TREIZE: "Don't do anything else to upset the bigshots! Or I'll have to break up with you!"  
  
ZECHS: "Yes...yes SIR!"  
  
(Connection terminated. Treize goes to his meeting)  
  
TREIZE: "I'm sorry that I'm late!"  
  
GUY: "I heard three of your mobile suits were shot down."  
  
TREIZE: "...So?"  
  
ANOTHER GUY: "You're wasting valuable military resources!"  
  
TREIZE: "Resources? Are you talking about our soldiers, or the mobile suits?"  
  
GUY: "ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME, DAMN IT?!"  
  
TREIZE: "You wanna piece of me?"  
  
GUY: "Damn right I do!"  
  
LEADER: "Okay, no cat fights now. Sit down, the both of you!"  
  
TREIZE AND THE OTHER GUY: "*shuts up*"  
  
LEADER: "Now, we have to talk about the colonies..."  
  
TREIZE: "Heh...the future will be lead by MY organization, OZ!"  
  
LEADER: "Did you say something, Treize?"  
  
TREIZE: "Um...no."  
  
(Back to Relena. She just took his helmet off)  
  
RELENA: "He's still a young boy! Pretty damn cute, though."  
  
HEERO: "Ugh..."  
  
(Heero wakes up, panicking)  
  
HEERO: "DID YOU SEE IT?!"  
  
RELENA: "Relax, the ambulance is coming. And no, I didn't see *it*, you still have your uniform on, silly!"  
  
HEERO: "No, I didn't mean *that*! I meant my face, slut!"  
  
RELENA: "WHY IS EVERYONE CALLING ME A SLUT?!"  
  
HEERO: "...I dunno."  
  
(The ambulance arrives. Heero makes a desperate attempt to self-destruct his uniform, but doesn;t kill him. Heero runs, thinking)  
  
HEERO: Should I kick them out of the way? Hmmm...too many decisions today!  
  
(After a while, Heero kicks the people out of the way, stealing the ambulance van, driving off, Relena watches, talking to him, even though he's five football fields way...okay, not that far...)  
  
RELENA: "My name is...my name is Relena Darlian. What's yours...?"  
  
(Much to her surprise, Heero pops his head out of the window of the ambulance)  
  
HEERO: "MY NAME'S HEERO!"  
  
(Heero loses control of the ambulance and crashes)  
  
RELENA: "Oh my...!"  
  
(Heero climbs out of the mess and runs off. Relena stands there, confused. Meanwhile at a mobile suit factory. Everything is going smooth until a few explode. Some people go into their mobile suits)  
  
PILOT: "Are we under atta-"  
  
(Something slices his mobile suit apart, it explodes. Mobile suits after mobile suits are getting sliced apart. The Gundam Deathscythe is revealed)  
  
DUO: "This is Duo here! I've destroyed the mean moniter! It takes skills to do what I do, heh heh! Now all I have to do is slice my way outta this battle!"  
  
(Next, several mobile suits are standing in front of a base, firing)  
  
PILOT: "What is it?!"  
  
ANOTHER PILOT: "We're under attack!"  
  
THE OTHER PILOTS: "Well DUH!"  
  
(Gundam Heavy-Arms appears. It aims its gatling gun at the mobile suits and fires, blowing a few up)  
  
TROWA: "No that you've seen me, I can't let you live. My mission was just to destroy the base, but that won't stop me! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
(The Gundam's chest parts, revealing two secret gatling guns beneath, and begin to fire. It shoulders open, firing missles at the base)  
  
TROWA: "This is battle 001. Pilot's name? Trowa, for the record!"  
  
(Scene cuts to desert. Several Leos are looking for the capsule)  
  
PILOT: "Are you sure a capsule landed here? There's nothing here!"  
  
(Several mobile suits pop out from the sand)  
  
RASID: "AAATTTAAACCCKKKKKKK!!!"  
  
(They begin to fire)  
  
PILOT: "We're surrounded!"  
  
ANOTHER PILOT: "Enemy attack! Enemy attack!"  
  
PILOT: "Shut up, we KNOW we're under attack!"  
  
(The Leos turn, the pilots gasp, the Gundam Sandrock is standing before them)  
  
QUATRE: "Put down your weapons and surrender, and I'll spare your lives."  
  
PILOT: "FIRE! FIRE!"  
  
(Sandrock flies at them, pulling its heat shorters out and slicing them in half)  
  
QUATRE: "This is Quatre reporting. I've destroyed the leader! I told you, you should have surrendered! Stupid asses!"  
  
(Meanwhile on the ocean. The Gundam Shenlong leaps onto a ship and domolishes the others with its dragon fang. It pointes its arm to the battle bridge, and launches its arm into it, destroying it. Two planes fly by, the dragon fang shoots fire at them, exploding)  
  
WUFEI: "My name's Wufei, and I'm not hiding anywhere, obviously. As a matter of fact, an Oz carrier could just fly by right now and get a picture of my Gundam!"  
  
(Suddenly a carrier flies by and takes a picture of the Gundam)  
  
WUFEI: "Damn it!"  
  
(Meanwhile on Zechs' carrier...)  
  
PILOT: "When will the marine service arrive?"  
  
OTHER PILOT: "Not for another two hours."  
  
PILOT: "What's taking them so long?!"  
  
ZECHS: "Stop whining like a pansy! Obviously, that Gundam isn't going anywhere."  
  
PILOT: "But what if that pilot survived?"  
  
ZECHS: "It's very doubtful, so stop questioning me, before I shoot you!"  
  
PILOT: "Yes sir..."  
  
ZECHS: "The Gundam is in very deep waters, so it's natural the search will take long."  
  
OTHER PILOT: "But-"  
  
ZECHS: "If I show you something interesting, will you shut up?"  
  
OTHER PILOT: "I guess."  
  
(Zechs walks up to him and shows him several pictures)  
  
ZECHS: "This picture was taken by an Oz Observer Space craft, doesn't this look a lot like the one we saw?"  
  
(It's a picture of the Shenlong Gundam)  
  
OTHER PILOT: "There's more of them?"  
  
ZECHS: "Yes, five including the one we sank!"  
  
OTHER PILOT: "Oh man we're screwed."  
  
ZECHS: "It seems there's a jinx that when you see a Gundam, you will not come out alive."  
  
BOTH PILOTS: "Oh man we're really screwed!"  
  
ZECHS: "SHUTUP!"  
  
(Meanwhile at St. Gabriel High School...)  
  
GIRL: "Relena should be coming back today."  
  
OTHER GIRL: "How many guys do you think she slept with?"  
  
GIRL: "I don't know, she just got back from a trip to Outer Space..."  
  
ANOTHER: "I really do envy her!"  
  
GIRL: "Why? Cause she can sleep with any guy she wants and you can't even talk to a guy?"  
  
ANOTHER: "NO! I meant I want to go to Outer Space too!"  
  
GIRL: "Oh. Isn't it Relena's birthday tomorrow?"  
  
ANOTHER: "I wonder who she's inviting to her party?"  
  
GIRL: "Who knows..?"  
  
(Relena suddenly appears.)  
  
PEOPLE: "Good morning, Miss Relena. Did you have a nice night?"  
  
RELENA: "Good morning!"  
  
(Cut to scene in classroom. The door opens and the teacher, and someone else, walks in.)  
  
RELENA: "Hey...that's him...I'm sure it is."  
  
TEACHER: "Everyone please shut up, we have a new student with us."  
  
(Scene cuts to a guy dressed up, yes ladies and gentlemen, it's HEERO!)  
  
HEERO: "My name is Heero Yuy, it's a pleasure."  
  
RELENA: "It has to be him..."  
  
TEACHER: "Sit down next to Relena, feel free to ask her any questions."  
  
(Heero sits down next to her)  
  
RELENA: "Pleased to meet you, Heero!"  
  
HEERO: "Shutup, we already met."  
  
RELENA: *sweat drop*  
  
(Later that day, Heero's leaning against the railings, looking at the town below. Relena appraoches him, handing him an envelope.)  
  
RELENA: "Here you go. It's an invitation to my party, I hope you can make it."  
  
(Everyone claps. Relena smiles. Heero takes the invitation in his hand and rips it up)  
  
RELENA: *gasp*  
  
HEERO: "Of course I'll go! I was so happy that I ripped it up!"  
  
(Relena's so happy she starts crying with joy. Heero walks by her and wipes the tear from her eye, and whispers in her ear)  
  
HEERO: "NOT."  
  
RELENA: "B-but..why?"  
  
HEERO: "I'm going to kill you, that's why."  
  
(The look on Relena's face is of pure terror, Heero walks away)  
  
RELENA: "What kind of...person is he?"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED! If you guys want me to continue, just say so, I know this was kinda lame...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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